Author Archives: Anna

26/06/2011

Advice from the Spark

By Anna

I am a single, overweight 40-something. I feel like I’m wasting my life. What can I do?

What do you feel is lacking in your life right now?  Is there anything missing? Maybe you do already have everything you need to be happy, but just need to discover where your happiness and joy has been hiding.

Is there anything in your life right now that you have the power to change, which may help unblock your connection with life and fulfillment? Maybe everything is fine the way it is and you are already as happy and content as you possibly can be…  But the fact that you are asking me this question indicates that you have some doubt within yourself.  Maybe it’s not obvious and pressing, but more of a persistent itch that feels like it can never really be scratched satisfactorily.

You mention your weight… This would be the most obvious problem a human would focus on.  As a spark, I can assure you that your physical shell is not really you, but merely a reflection of how you view and treat yourself.  Maybe it could be suggested that your excess weight is the manifestation of your unsatisfiable hunger, rather than the cause of your discontent.  It is completely normal for humans to feel perpetually hungry for fulfillment.  This is usually the explanation behind so much of their irrational behaviour.  Your discontent may even be aggravated by the form in which you attend to your hunger (this is often the case).  Hunger, naturally, you would associate with food, so it’s perfectly logical that whenever you feel the aches and pains of your discontent, you reach for the most automatic, tried and trusted remedy, which in your case may be food.  This action no doubt calms your discontent temporarily, but the long term, chronic itching persists.

Rather than feeling uncomfortable in your body because you judge it as being overweight, why not recognise your weight as the result of mistreatment.  Is food really the only way for you to satisfy your hunger?  Why not vary your emotional diet with more nutritious, longer lasting activities which fertilize the growth of true happiness or aid in the re-ignition and maintenance of your inner flame.

This is probably sounding like a whole lot of cosmic rubbish.  What you really want is reassurance and simple answers.  So let me suggest to you some clues which will lead the way to rediscovering your true self and ultimately your true happiness:

* Think of the times in your life when you have felt most alive.  What was that feeling like?  Remember it intensely.  What allowed you to feel that way then?  What is stopping you from feeling that way again now?

* Think of all the fun you have had in your life.  Do you still do any of those things now?  If not, why not?  What’s stopping you?

* When was the last time you experienced a soulful connection with another Human Being? I don’t just mean during sexual intercourse. Think about times when you have opened your heart to a friend or sibling or parent, maybe even to a stranger, and shared with them your true feelings?  What gave you the courage to do it then?  What’s stopping you from doing it again now?

You don’t need to stop doing any of the things you are physically doing, or give up deriving pleasure from food.  Food is not the problem, it’s just not the only answer.

Be aware of all the other opportunities for soul fulfilment that life gives you each day.  When you see an opportunity to try something new or do something differently, take a risk.  See what happens.  Be brave.  Live each day as if it were your last.

The Spark

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19/06/2011

June 2011 Challenge

By Anna

We challenged a lady, who will be known as “L”, to give up swearing for a week. L cares for a toddler who has recently started to talk, so you can imagine why swearing might be a problem.

The toddler I’ve been looking after has been saying swear words such as ”bl@@dy h#%l”,….followed by “I hate it!”, and I cringe when I hear him say “Bl@@dy, f#*#*ing s!*t!”

I’m being held responsible, hence the challenge I have been given to stop swearing, and to at least take notice of what makes me swear.

It’s not as if I swear loudly in public. It’s just sometimes loudly in home situations. At other times I swear to myself, under my breath.

On the first day of the challenge I noticed myself swearing as I did the dishes at the toddler’s place. First, when I found that the cold tap had been turned off so hard that I couldn’t turn it on.Then I swore when it was hard to fit a large saucepan into the sink, and I burnt the back of my hand on the hot tap. When the dishes were finished I swore when the plug was hard to pull out, and I swore again when, on another attempt, a spoon was in the way.

There was more swearing during the day, then on the way home on the train I swore to myself when I tried to get a Fisherman’s Friend out of my handbag, and the three big bags on my lap, whose straps were all over my shoulder, got twisted up in front of me. Then, when I went to get up from my seat to get off the train, I swore to myself because the three bags took up so much room that it was hard for me to squeeze out. Because of all my bags I went to exit the station via the wide barrier gate. I swore to myself when I found it closed, then swore again when my valid ticket didn’t make it open. When the young man ahead of me began to talk to the attendant at the gate I swore to myself because now I would have to wait to show my ticket, but, taking things into my own hands I just pushed back the barrier with one hand and got out.

That evening I swore when I picked up my empty plate and a spoon fell off it, although I had calculated that it wouldn’t.

Over the days numerous things kept making me swear,….my keys getting caught in the handles of a plastic bag, a door lock that is infuriatingly difficult to open, ….usually inanimate things that don’t behave the way I think they should, and that seem to be out to get me.

Today it was loose mats protecting the carpet that caused the most havoc. I kept on catching my toe under various mat edges, and once I almost went sprawling on the floor. It was enough to make anyone swear.

I now realise that I have conflict with inanimate objects because I’m not sufficiently observant, or in tune with them. My mind is on other things.

I’ve tried to not let the toddler hear me swear, but it’s too late. He has learnt to swear, and yesterday, when I wasn’t there, he was heard to say loudly, and indignantly, when the brick he was playing with fell on one of his fingers,…”Bl@@dy, f#*#*ing s!*t!!”

What have I learnt from the challenge? I still think that swearing does me good sometimes, but to give it up I will have to learn to “go with the flow”, and try to be in tune with things, rather than fighting them, and reacting angrily when things seem to go wrong. Reacting angrily is a worse example to the toddler than the swear words I may say.

What’s wrong with a bit of unpredictability and chaos anyway and why should they make me angry?

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19/05/2011

The Inklings: Chapter 1

By Anna

It was raining just heavily enough to make an umbrella necessary. “Oh great!” complained Syafika, who was already struggling to keep her handbag from slipping off her shoulder while attempting to carry a cake horizontally – after all the effort she had put into making the cake look nice Syafika really didn’t want to get to work to find the cake stuck by the icing to one side of the container. Syafika went back inside to get an umbrella and when she came outside again she had the cake container balanced between her body and right hand, her handbag on her left shoulder and the umbrella in her left hand. After another few minutes and some nasty language she managed to put the umbrella up and then when she finally attempted to walk down the front steps she almost fell because the cake container obstructed her view of where she was putting her feet.

When Syafika had finished making the cake she’d been so proud. It was the best looking cake she’d ever made. But now her pride in the cake had been replaced by feelings of inadequacy as she struggled to cope with her load. Why couldn’t she look elegant and in control like other people, wondered Syafika. Then she started to hope that the cake was good enough. “You never know what the middle is like until you cut it” she worried. Syafika took a deep breath and thought that as long as she didn’t drop the cake on the way to work, it would probably all be worth it.

Syafika took a risky shortcut through the park, despite seeing the potential for slips in the mud. She wasn’t alone. The dirt path through the park was crammed with people. They were mostly people walking to work but there was also a woman taking two dogs for a walk.

“Watch it!” thought Syafika as her cake was bumped by a suited man with his umbrella so far down over his head that he couldn’t see in front of him.

Then, one of the dogs stopped at the side of the path and did a pooh. The woman walking them saw this but did nothing. This annoyed Syafika because she knew what it was like to tread in dog pooh. Apart from the trauma of having to get close to dog pooh while cleaning it off her shoe (and the inevitable mental picture of billions of germs squirming around), Syafika would spend the rest of day assuming that any expressions of distaste she saw were meant for her because she stank. Syafika didn’t say anything to the lady walking the dogs though. She never did in situations like these. She usually just let her annoyance bubble away inside her until she was distracted by something else.

This time the distraction was a skinny, grotty man who had been running past. He ducked into the crowd, picked up the dog pooh and rubbed it into the hair of the dog walking lady while shouting “I’m watching you”. Then he ran off through the rain.

The dog walker stopped. Her face was crimson with anger and embarrassment. She didn’t know what to do. When nobody offered her any sympathy (most people pretended not to notice what had happened and the others stared but kept walking) she began to cry. It would make Syafika feel guilty later, but at the time she thought the whole thing was pretty funny and had to repress a smirk.

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