I am in love with a woman who is in a relationship with another man. Sometimes I think she has feelings for me but I can’t tell for sure. Should I tell her my feelings?
I find it strangely ironic that you are asking my advice about matters of the heart. I’m a spark! I don’t have a physical form, therefore I am completely unaffected by emotion. Still, it’s probably very sensible of you to ask a spark. You are no doubt under the influence of this mindless state of infatuation that you humans so clumsily label as love, which is actually no more than an emotional loop that has grown in your neurons. You have developed a tight little neural net which when triggered by some memory or thought or interaction with the victim of your obsession (Dear me. If I had eyes I would be rolling them right now) it sends a signal to a gland in your brain to inject endorphins into your blood stream which gives you a high. You have now grown attached to this pattern and cannot envisage how you would cope without a constant supply of this stimulation which you associate with this woman.
I apologise for my lack of sensitivity. I consider this adoration that human beings have for one another as a condition that borders on insanity, and I have very little patience for it. Probably because it closes down the rational, peripherally conscious parts of the brain which make in unreceptive to spark influence. So whenever my host brain goes into this mode I am forced to depart.
Getting back to your problem; very sensible for you to seek a rational, sparkly objective viewpoint, although I very much doubt that what I tell you is what you want to hear.
What do you expect to gain by sharing your feelings with a woman who cannot respond to them? Do you truly believe that her feelings for you may be strong enough for her to leave her partner and devote herself to you? I am guessing that this is what you desire… But do you honestly believe you have the power to cause her to do that? The cold hearted answer is no. You cannot make this woman act or feel any way that you want her to. You cannot control her feelings or actions, and if you believe that you may be able to influence her in any way, then I’m sorry, but you are insane.
If you don’t expect her to leave her partner, but think she may be interested in a secret little affair, just to flirt with the possibility of one day running off together and living happily ever after, then I would suggest you ask yourself seriously if you are willing to bare the pain and dissatisfaction, the guilt of deceit and possibly even the loss of your friendship with her (not to mention your dignity), because some, if not all of these things are certain to come to you if you proceed down this path.
If you are simply fantasizing about having sex with this woman and feel you cannot control your animal desires, then be honest with yourself and don’t call it love. Love deserves far more respect than that. Unless she initiates a purely sexual no-emotion-attached type exploration with you, then I would suggest you keep your fantasies to yourself and enjoy them as fantasies. I am witness to this scenario and can assure you that most fantasies of this kind are far more enjoyable as fantasies than the realities of them actually occurring.
So my advice to you is the easiest to give and sometimes the most difficult to follow. Simply do nothing. You cannot cause love to blossom all by yourself, nor can you avoid it. If this woman loves you and your love was meant to be then one day you will be thrown together and there will be no doubts. If you are in doubt right now, do nothing. If you do nothing, what you have right now will not be lost. Treasure your feelings for her now as they are without expecting anymore from her in return. Don’t be greedy. Give her space and respect and have patience and faith that all will fall into place without your clumsy intervention.
Would you like some advice from The Spark?