My boss called me into his office a couple of days ago and gave me a serious talking to about my behavior. At the time I felt it was unfair of him to make such a big deal out of me turning up to work a few minutes late, but then he had to bring up the time that I was nearly two hours late and un-contactable because my alarm clock broke and I slept- in with my phone switched off. It only happened once, and it wasn’t my fault, but he can’t get over it, even though I said I was sorry and bought a new alarm clock so it wouldn’t happen again. Now he’s also saying that my work is not up to scratch and that he has had to deal with complaints from customers because I’m taking too long finishing off jobs that they are urgently waiting on. I feel like he’s picking on me and pushing me to do more than I can. He should know that when you put your workers under pressure and set them unrealistic tasks and deadlines things go wrong. Like the stuff-up we had last month when we lost an important customer and it ended up costing the company thousands of dollars.
I nearly told him where to go and was going to quit on the spot, but then he started to look all sad and told me I was a good bloke and he didn’t want to have to let me go. He said I wasn’t giving him much choice, and unless I can get my act together and get serious about my job I was going to lose it. The truth is, I don’t want to lose my job. I’ve worked with this company since I was in school and my boss has supported me heaps over the years to get me into the position I hold today. I love the people I work with and I love what I do. I’d feel completely lost without my job.
When I was leaving his office he stopped me and handed me some pamphlets about Alcoholics Anonymous. I nearly threw them in his face, but something stopped me. I took them home with me and threw them in the bin. It was bugging me for days, so I fished them out this morning and had a read. I’m wondering now if maybe my boss is right and it scares the shit out of me. I don’t feel on top of things anymore and most days all that keeps me going is the thought of knock-off time and getting down to the pub for a coldie. I don’t know if I could live without booze, but I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my job. I’m 36 and I know I’m too young to give up on life, but I just don’t know what I have left anymore.
Well, the good news for you is that you still have everything you ever had that was worth having, only now you have the benefit of self reflection to go with it. Nothing has been taken away from you, instead you have been given a gift. Now is an important time for you to be honest with yourself and see this opportunity for what it is. Are you truly happy with yourself the way you are now? Is this the way you want your life to be? Are you giving yourself a fair chance to be the person you have always wanted to be? Have you given up on yourself? Don’t you believe you are worth it?
You have been given an opportunity to get back everything of value that you feel you have lost or are losing. Now it’s up to you. You can choose to accept it with courage, or push it away in fear. If you are scared now it is because you need to be, but you don’t need to be scared off. You can embrace this fear and use it to your advantage. Your boss is a wise, compassionate man who cares about you, and there are many more people like that who know exactly what you are going through and can help you through it. If you are scared, seek help. If you ignore it, it won’t go away. Give yourself a chance. You’re worth it.
The Spark.
The Inkling 